Dream Of Love

Have you ever felt like this, the way I am feeling today? Numb! Since past 14 years I had just dreamt of a lovely marriage, and I am sure every girl does that and now I know how every women comes to the same conclusion and that is love evaporates after marriage and leaves you behind with hard core facts and needs of life. These days basic necessities are available to all. But when you don't get love and pampering you start diverting your mind and heart to materialistic things. It all starts with a small disappointment and too many disappointments results into one such complaint. Now this complaint is never heard the first time. A set of repetitive complaints creates an issue and many such issues drives you to a point where love doesn't exist.

But what kind of disappointments can one have?Now that depends upon individual. I am a type of person who loves being different and trendy without making efforts. I love hard work and I practice the same. Ever since teenage I knew how girls went after money over love and nature. I decided my first rule then - Not to go after money but love and nature of the man. I was borna nd brought up into a very affluent family and was not designed to take many pressures. Life untill college went rocking with fabulous things to flaunt and a very generous nature to show. Everything was just perfect. Hey why are we in past....aaarggh....thats one more side effects of an unhappy marriage life.

This is my second relation and got married to him after a lot of "social and thinking about parents" pressure in life. Seems like I got all wrong signals to make my life the way it is today and no one could have stopped it from happening. Finally I decided to get married to him because he was not earning and because he sounded and looked very hard working and promising by words. I should have known by now after one previous experience that promising by words is an imaginary term. My biggest mistake again, so I think I m a fool!

Now what's happening is something which I would have predicted but was trying to stop it , how foolish. I think I am GOD....no way! People don't change in love , in fact in such love which was shown to me or which I perceived. Not his mistake, he just showed but mistake is I believed, so second mistake, I believed him. But now what? Now? Nothing, we are having fights every otehr day. Fights which are making me maniac and depressed. Everyone has weaknesses and point is always to stay away from things which make you more weak or which can harm ur mental and physical self. But my weakness is also a chosen one. I do every possible thing to avoid taunts. Thats why I stay away from people who are ill mannered and I be moderate always so that ppl don't get back on me. But guess what????...its no more like that......I am daily facing such people and my hubby keeps taking me to such people, he cares not to understand this that I am suffering, but all he can say is common grow up.

Anyways.....enough of this today.....this blog is nothing more than piece of garbage where I am trying to dumped all my frustrations and complaints......Basically he cares but he doesn't. He cares when he has time and he's done with his stuff and needs, not when I need. I care for him before he speaks. So nothing, I have lost hope now and have no joy to live life and celebrate this birth. Feels like boredom, when will these years pass and I die....Bad thought but people who only care for themselves and who make others also care for only them are responsible for this imbalance.